Thursday, June 30, 2011


I am sitting in my new apartment in my new home.
I am staring outside at the tall green trees.
I can hear the birds singing, talking, whispering.
My neighbors are outside smoking and laughing and talking.
They try to hang out with me but lately i've been anti social.

Its very strange, i've wanted friends for a long time.
Friends that would call and wanted to spend time with me.
Even if that meant just sitting on the couch or smoking cigarettes.
Now that i do, i find myself hiding away, staying inside.
grabbing my stomach.

Portland has been my new home for 9 months now and i dont know how to feel about it.
Its the only place i've lived for a substantial amount of time other than California.

California. I will touch my feet on your warm, welcoming ground tomorrow.
 I am going home.  I am visiting home.
To see the palm trees, to feel the sand, to run from the waves, to hug my friends.
To laugh, and drink.  To eat and eat and eat.
i am scared to go back.
i am scared to say goodbye again.